Tyrell

Jude

Hey Jude, don't make it bad...
      Jude walked down the street to where he knew he could have a good time. He had his Ipod's volume at full blast to drown out the world around him. At this moment he was annoyed and wanted a release. This release came to Jude by way of drugs and alcohol. He never had an acquired taste for these things. He just had a life he so desperately wanted to acquire, and this was the only way he believed could get him there.
"Password?"
"Seriously?" Jude said annoyed as he took off his headphones.

       The door shut on his face. He knocked again. The door opened slightly again against the chain lock.
"Ron Howard. Fuck."
"Fuck is not part of the password."
"Just open the damn door, Larry!"
      Larry opened the door. He was a fat guy all decked out in Miami Heat clothing. "It's been awhile, Jude." Jude noticed the lights were dimmed all across the house. Always with the dim lights. Jude never got used to his dealers house. Calvin and Mickey Hill were rich and had their own place thanks to their wealthy parents, although Jude figured they could afford it themselves by now due to the many hobbies they were involved in.
"I suppose a week is awhile. Where's Cal?"
Larry pointed upstairs. Jude made his way up the stairs.
"I'd be more careful, Jude. Mickey isn't too happy with you."
No shit, Sherlock. 
"I know how to handle a storm. And by the way, Heat sucks." 
_____________________
A ten year old Jude pounded at the bathroom door. His mother was inside crying and he could not understand why. Pound after pound he lost his sense of time. After five minutes he lied against the door defeated. A piece of wood stood between him and his weeping mother.
"Call the police, son."
She finally spoke. When the police came they took down Jude's opponent with ease. Jude tried to run forward to his mother but he was not allowed to do so thanks to the police. Yet while physically Jude could not escape the barricade of police bodies, his eyes were able to go where he wanted to be. This was a place he quickly knew he should not have ventured to. This is a place he remains in till this day.
"I'm sorry, Jack, I'm so sorry."
______________________
"Where's the money, Jude?"
Jude stood at the corner of the dimly lit room. "Why does the entire house have to be this dark? Come on Cal, you're not in a movie. I don't like it, it has to go."
Calvin cracked his knuckles. How scary.
"I like dark places, J. Now answer my question."
"I never liked school. Too many questions. Not my, you know, cup of vodka." Jude noticed the cocaine cut and ready to take on the counter. "Do you mind, C?" He said playfully. Calvin shook his head and Jude took some lines.
"I'm beginning to think you do not take me seriously. Worst of all, us."
"No, no," He wiped his nose clean. "I take you guys seriously. Too seriously, you might say. I don't get much sleep because of it."
 Calvin gave him a curious look.
"I just need some more time, and more stuff to grind. If you know what I'm saying?"
"We do." Mickey finally appeared at the door. Her hair was short and brown and she had her nose pierced. Her arms were covered in tattoos and above her breasts she wore a badge of freedom.
"Hello to you too, Mickey. Always lovely to see yous."
She walked over and leaned on the desk. Jude could not take his eyes off her.
"I understand you live with a best friend quite capable of paying off your debts."
Oh God, not Salinger. Keep him out of this, Hill people. 
"My debts, Mickey. Not his. I think it's important to remember that."
She flipped her hair.
"All's the same between brothers, no?"
"Sometimes we do pee together. Saves time. Do you guys ever pee together?"
She wasn't amused. "We want our money. You've kept us waiting long enough."
"I know. I came here to tell you, I'm working on it." Sorta.
"And you hoped we'd give you something else, for free, no?" Calvin laughed.
"That might have been part of the plan. I hope this wasn't a waste of time. Addictions made me smarter, but I am not infallible, despite popular opinion."
Mickey opened the desk drawer.
"I think I know what you want." She threw a little bag at him. "You make me sad, Jude."
"I've been called Shakespearian in my youth."
He pocketed it. Calvin spoke this time. "You have two weeks, kid."
Jude nodded. I hate being called kid.
"Two weeks is just the right amount of time. Thank you, Cal."
He bowed and turned to walk away.
"You know, J, one day you're going to have to wake up."
Mickey said in a tone of sadness. He kept walking while he spoke.
"That's what I'm trying to do."
______________________
Jack held his son tightly that night. He held him as tightly as his wife Diane had held his other son earlier that day in her arms.
"Is James, okay?"
Jack could not find the words for a response. Part of him did not believe he was even trying. What could you tell a child about something like this? The world is cruel, and sometimes even adults wish they could simply close their eyes.
"Is Mom coming home?"
When Diane walked into the house she shut the door and fell against the side of the wall. She had been driving all night. Jack ran to her and helped her up. Jude was confused by all this. Ten year olds cannot put together these sorts of things as fast as a more aged human could. Still, he knew something was wrong. From that day on something was always wrong.
______________________

Jude and Tyrell exited the movie theater together.
"Next time can I choose the movie?"
Jude almost gasped.
"You have a probably with the classics? The 400 Blows is amazing. It's one of the defining films of the French New Wave movement."
Tyrell wasn't impressed. "Black and white French movies just aren't fun for me. It was alright."
"Yeah, well your idea of fun is lying in bed in your underwear watching Doctor Who."
"Hey, you like Doctor Who!" He socked his arm. "I just don't care for these classics of yours."
"Get some culture, bitch."
They got into the car.  "Radiohead?" Tyrell nodded.
"A whole lot of Radiohead never killed anyone."
They began the trek home to meet up with everyone else. Salinger was too busy writing earlier in the day to hangout with them and so they went to the movies together, even though all three of them had plans to do so. This bummed Jude, who thought Salinger was too caught up in his writing to hangout lately. Tyrell said to just let it go, his book will be done within the next year. A year was a long time. You could do a lot in a year. You could even lose your best friend.
"You good, man?"
The drive home from Los Angeles was long due to traffic and Jude hadn't said a word for most of it.
"I'm fine."
"Any particular reason you're just fine? I would have thought you'd be impossible to shut up right now." He smiled. Usually that was the case, so Jude understood he had given himself away without even thinking about it. Tyrell was one of his best friends, after all, so he knew he could not lie his way out of this.
"My mom's getting sick. Plus I'm having dreams again."
"Bout your brother?"
"Yeah. I can't shake it off."
Tyrell put his feet on the dashboard.
"Maybe you're not supposed to. Maybe it's time to face them."
"Who says I'm running?" He began to sink deeper into his mind. He began to think he should have avoided this conversation. "The way you speak of it sounds like you have some mileage. Come on, Jude, don't I know you better than that?" He nodded. After Salinger, Tyrell knew him better than anyone. If Tyrell sensed mileage it was with good reason.
"Maybe I'm not running away from my problems,"
He changed lanes.
"I don’t know, maybe I’m just waiting for later, you know, until I’m stronger."
Tyrell remained silent.
"It just seems like if I take them on now, I won’t win. I don’t have the strength in me to move that mountain, to part that sea. Give me some time, give me the chance to take a deep breath, let my mind wander, and enjoy life before I have to take on that burden."
They were now at a red light off their exit. 
"I promise you, I will. I will return to it and I will be stronger. You know what, I’ll be at my strongest. I’ll show you that the time was worth it. I’ll show you."
The light turned green.
"This is how I’ve survived, this is what has worked for me. Give me time, I’ll show you. I promise."
"I believe you. Just don't forget we're here to help you when you decide to go home."
"I never have."
_______________________________

Jude let her face go. She leaned against the wall.
"Do you want to fuck me?"
He smiled. He was used to this.
"Maybe. Go wait in the other room for me."
He went down stairs to get a drink while his stranger with an appetite waited upstairs. The party he was at was still going strong even at 3am.
"Holy shit, is that Jude?"
Jude turned around to find one of Salinger's best friends with a beer in hand.
"Present. Good to see you, Jacob. And who is this lovely lady?"
"What's up, man?" They shook hands. Jacob Tanner was one of Salinger's best friends. Jude actually likes Jacob, as opposed to many of Salinger's friends, Sufjan for example. Jude always told Salinger that he appreciates Jacob's candor and how chill he had always been when he was around.
     Jacob Tanner is someone Salinger could always rely on.When they first began pledging they hated each other's existence. It was only during the last week that they found they were wrong about each other. Salinger always said his favorite time to talk to his friends was at 4am. It is when you get the most honest version of that person. Even more than alcohol could give you. It was also then two people that had no reason to speak during that time actually confronted each other and became friends. Salinger said its his biggest regret from pledging. From much of what Salinger has said of him, Jude respects him greatly. Salinger considers him a best friend and brother.
"This is my girl Elena."
He remembers her. Another one of Salinger's friends. She is a beautiful girl with a brain, down to earth, and fun to hang with.
"The names Jude. I've heard much about you."
They shook hands as well. "Pleasure."
"Dude, funny seeing you here. I was going to see Salinger tomorrow. It's been awhile."
"Very nice. I'm sure he's missed you both."
He looked around.
"You guys enjoying the party?"
"Slightly," she said.
"We were just about to head out. Jad was supposed to be here but he bailed. " 
"I'm out of here, too."
"Do you need a ride?"
"No, that's fine, I'll walk. It was good seeing you, Jacob. Elena."
_________________________
Jacob was using Jude's phone.
"Hey Salinger, it's Jacob. I'm here with Jude at the park, the one Elena and I had a picnic at. Can you come get him? He won't get in my car. No, no worries, I already took Elena home. Just get here as quick as you can, bro."
He hung up. He looked up at the moon.
"You ever see the movie The Strangers?"
"I'd rather not talk about scary things right now. I'm pretty drunk and likely to cry if so."
Jude was on top of the jungle gym.
"Well, how do you think I feel about being out here at 4am? Scares the shit out of me."
"You could go home. I'll be totally fine."
"You're drunk."
"So."
"Something could happen to you."
"That's my problem."
"And mine. A brother of Salinger's is a brother of mine."
Jude didn't respond. It was something Salinger would say. Salinger picks well.
"He'll be here soon. Just relax."
"Easier said than done."
When Salinger arrived Jacob walked up to him and they hugged. Thinking they were at a distance that Jude couldn't hear, they spoke.
"I saw him walking home, stumbling, and then he ran into the park. He's drunk, man. Might be even worse than that. His nose is red."
"Thanks for taking care of him, bro. I'll handle it from here."
"I'll see you guys tomorrow. Take care of him."
"I will. I always do. Now go get some rest, ya lopp."
Before Jacob entered his car he stopped.
"Remember when you told me about that time you almost killed yourself?"
"I can't forget."
"Do you remember why you said you never could go through with it?"
Salinger took a deep breath, confusion on his tongue.
"I wasn't brave enough. Wasn't brave enough to kill myself, wasn't brave enough to live."
"Yeah, that was it."
"What does that have to do with this? Enjoy recounting my many failures?"
"He seems like he might be brave enough."
Salinger nodded.
"You still the regretting type?" Jacob.
"Yeah, are you?" Salinger.
"Yes. I'm glad we still agree on that."
"Like I said all those years ago that night we became friends, I've never been one terribly opposed to regret. On the contrary, I regret much of what I've done in life, and what I've allowed people to do to me. I discovered it makes me human."
"Yeah, it does. Anyways, it's definitely a conversation for another time. Goodnight, bro."
"Yeah, it is. Thanks again. Love you, bro."
"Love you, too. See you, tomorrow."
And then it was just Salinger and Jude. 
"Remember we used to play here when we were little?" Jude said as Salinger approached the Jungle gym.
"No."
"We used to surf down the slide, throw pebbles at each other, and touch the sky with our feet on the swings. Those were the days. Remember?"
"We didn't know each other as kids, so no, I can't remember all that."
Jude smiled.
"Well, why do I?"
Salinger laughed.
"Because Ju be making up memories."
Jude paused for a second.
"So I incepted myself, huh? Perfect."
"No."
"It all makes sense now. I always thought of myself as the DiCaprio type.  You can be Joseph."
Salinger's voice was now serious.
"Quit being stupid and come down from there."
"No! You come up here, officer."
"I want to go home, Jude. It's 5am. Quit being a dick."
Jude sat on the edge of the jungle gym.
"Can you at least make this a memory?"
Salinger climbed up the jungle gym.
"Tyrell told me you were hurting."
They were both now sitting on the jungle gym with their feet dangling. 
"Big mouth strikes again."
"Hey, he was only looking on for you. Come on, Jude, talk to me. I'm awake right now just for your wellbeing."
"I know, I know. It just aint easy. This past year has been tough."
He turned away. He knew what his life was, what it was becoming, and what the sum of it would all be. Caring didn't seem to be an option anymore, no not anymore, not in this weather. It wasn't that sun that burned up his days, even in the overwhelming California weather in August. It was the words Salinger and Tyrell spoke.
"Well, I have time. You're my brother."
He once learned that words were wind, but for the past year it seemed like a hurricane had blown through his life. So much wind, no rocks, nothing to hold onto. He just kept breathing. It felt nice, to breathe again, and with such force, he took it in, held it for a couple of seconds, and let it free.
"I don't ever want this to end."
He said, wishfully hoping it could all remain, that he could be happy. Life goes on, and so does happiness. He felt a little cheated by it, finding vacancy in his empty heart, filling it to the brim with joy, and then packing its bags for the next fool with a sad story to tell. He was a cheap whore, he thought, and cheap whores, his father once told him, well, they never find happiness. "It's the way God works. Damned the wicked, fruitful the righteous," he would say while washing dishes. His favorite time to give him advice he'd never take, he never needed.
"I want to know what's causing all this. You're on the edge, bro. All you've been doing lately is drinking and doing drugs."
"You'd be doing that too if you were me."
 The pain he'd repressed for so long was knocking on his door again. It had lost its key, but the hinges could not hold forever. Unlike death, the pain came crashing, and it did with thunderous claps. Pain had a way of finding itself in the wind spoken by most of the people he encountered. He wished, on the verge of praying, that for once it had a scent. A certain taste of chaos, if possible. It was hopeless, however, and he knew it.
"Tyrell thinks I should go home and see my family. I just, I don't know. It's all falling apart now, and more to handle doesn't seem like the most intelligent move I could make. I don't know what I'm doing." He said with an urgency. It hit Salinger's face quickly, but his reply came seconds later,
"Home."
Home, he reconsidered. Home was a word Jude was not familiar with. All his life he had a roof over his head, but he wasn't sure that's what home was. Home was an empty word, like family, until Salinger came along. Salinger sat before him and used this word so elegantly. If this was a younger Jude he wouldn't be sure if it was sincere or meant for a play of words because of the fact that he knew enough about Jude to choreograph what collection of words would gain the most ground. He wasn't a young Jude, but either way, it was working. The walls he built up for most of his entire life once again seemed to be failing him. They always did. Pain, mother misery, well they should have used this wall instead of trying to break down the door.
"I feel better. It's just that everything was falling apart. I got it now. Don't worry about me."
He lost. Jude smiled. Sometimes losing meant so much.
"We need a change of scenery. We should go on a road trip. Get the hell out of this town."
He hugged him.
"And another thing. The people you never have to second fucking guess, those are the ones you should hold close. The ones that are there for you when you need it, not just there cause they need it. The people that ask how you're doing, support your dreams, text you stupid shit you'd both laugh about, do not feel uncomfortable around your siblings because they're your family too, know when you're upset without saying it, are honest with you, stick up for you when you're not around to do it, and ask you, 'What are we doing this weekend? Tomorrow? Today?'"
He put his hand on his shoulder.
"Those are the people that love you. The ones that need you in their life as much as you need them. It's one thing to be loved, but it's a far greater thing to be needed. Blood may be thicker than water, but you need water, your friends that you chose to be family, to survive. So when you've found these people, hold them close, treat them well, and love them so deeply they'd never question you."
Jude looked up at him.
"Do you have those people?"
Salinger stood up.
"Yes, idiot! You, Tyrell, Caleb, Riley, Sufjan, Jacob, Kennedy, Randy, Jad, Renato! That's only naming my bests. I can go on. You guys mean the fucking world to me. The point, however, is you have those people, too. Me, Tyrell, Riley, even Jacob! You just need to face your demons and then stop trying to pull yourself down."
"I will. I'll do it. I already told big mouth Tyrell that I would."
"Well good, we've made progress."
Salinger got on top of the slide.
"You were saying something about making memories?"
Jude nodded.
"Well, lets get to it, brother."
He surfed down the slide and then looked up at Jude as he mounted himself on the slide.
"I really do wish we grew up together. All of us. Things would have been so much better."
"And easier."
"Yeah, that too."
Jude surfed down.
_____________________________
At 7am Jude entered his parents home. His mother sat at a chair near the window.
"Hey mom."
She didn't look at him. She just continued to stare out the window. Jude always wondered what she was staring it. She has been doing this since the day his brother died. He walked up to her and held her hand.
"Just wanted to check up on you and dad."
He kissed her on the cheek. Her hand gripped his.
"I love you, mom. I'm home."
__________________________________

Take a sad song and make it better...

Salinger

      It was so simple in the moonlight. It never was easier. "You come here often?" Normally this was a cheesy line guys with an absence of intelligence used, but today, at this moment, he had a brain and also context.
"I plan to. It's my first time. I'm just soaking it all in."
      Salinger smiled. He finally found a fellow first timer. Not that he was on a hunt for one, but all his friends were veterans. Since at least 2009, some claim. This two year experience meant he was the only one asking questions.
"Me too."
      The bartender brought her the beer she ordered. "Well, it was nice meeting you," She paused for a name.
"Oh, Salinger."
      She smiled. "Salinger?" She was shocked by this name like most that met him. He nodded.
"I like that."
      She turned to walk away. "And yours?"
      He grabbed his beer quickly and walked towards her. She turned around. It was at this moment he noticed the Ferris Wheel directly behind her, shining like a dying star behind her.
"Penelope."
      He stretched out his hand with a contagious smile. As if infected she smiled back and grabbed his hand.
"My friends call me Penny."
      Their hands separated slowly. She took a sip of her beer.
"I shall call you Penny, friend."
      She noticed him looking past her. She turned around and saw the Ferris Wheel.
"It's pretty, isn't it?"
      She stood next to him and spoke. "Would it be lame if I said this is better than most the bands that I've seen all of today?"
      He chuckled. "Depends on what bands you've seen."
      She took another sip of her drink.
"I guess the Black Keys bore me."
"Don't forget Kings of Leon."
"I didn't even seem them. I didn't come to Coachella to be put in a coma."
      They laughed.
"I'm sure tomorrow will be better." He said confidently. She hit his cup with hers.
"I'll make a toast to that. If you're wrong, you can only call me Penelope."
      He laughed.
"You're on, and if I am you can call me Sal. I hate that name." He hit her cup.
"Deal. So let's meet here tomorrow around six before Broken Social Scene?"
"Sounds like I'm winning already."
      She began to walk away.
"We'll see."
      He threw his cup into the trash. "And what if I win?"
      She didn't stop walking.
"Maybe we can get a beer someplace else. Somewhere cooler."
      He smiled. "Cool."
      Then it hit him to ask.
"Who did you come to Coachella to see mainly, anyways?"
      She turned enough that he could see her face.
"Bright Eyes!"
      And she was lost within the waves of humans before he could reply with excitement. That was his favorite band.

__________

"Pass me another beer." 

      They drank their beers, some more than others, and they smoked weed like they were fill in members for N.W.A. They'd get their chance soon, someday, maybe never. Maybe it was even too late. Salinger was surrounded by one of his favorite bands that he happened to be real great friends with—The Simple Life. Cody, Mitch, Nico, Roy, and Andy all surrounded him engulfed by laughter. They had nothing to worry about right now. While being drunk would permit it, being high didn’t give it a chance.

“I wish I could say I am having a good day.” Nico said with a sad tone.

“Was that supposed to be a joke? You’re drinking with your friends. Come on, save that shit for Cody.” Mitch responded quickly.

“Hey, fuck you.” Cody chimed in.

      Laughter erupted again. As Salinger opened up his fourth beer he could not help but feel relieved. Life was finally in a good place. Five months ago he finished his first book. After publishing it he acquired an amount of money he said would finally make sure the people he loved are comfortable and happy. Sadly, money doesn't last forever. This morning he started his second one and is already on path of stress he is well acquainted with.
      While not many of his friends have read it, the ones that did loved it. Except for his friend Marat in Hawaii, but he doesn't like anything, and that's neither here nor there, he always said. Luckily, at this moment, he is here. And here is a great place to be. He lives in Claremont now with five of his best friends in a four bedroom house. He has a great job, great friends, and finally doesn't have to worry about money.

“Well Nico, have a better day.”

      Salinger passed him the bong. He didn’t take it. “I’ve had enough for one night.” Before they could protest this outright denial of a good time, he chugged a beer and they all forgot what had just happened. This is a bit of a monthly ritual, you see. The guys had their lucky break this year. They’re signed and going on tour this year for their new album Puncture. So due to all their busy schedules they’ve decided to put aside at least one day out of each month to hang and catch up. Mostly drink, but they’re not ashamed. Not yet at least, they’re still below the age of thirty five. These are Salinger's friends.

“Hey man, why doesn’t that kid come down here and drink with us?” Andy asked.

“Which one?”

“Not the one with the weird name, he’s a dick.” Roy said.

“Yeah, and we don’t like dicks.” Mitch said in a playful way while he crossed his arms.

“Cody does.” Salinger didn’t recall who said it but they all laughed harder than they had in the past hour.

“He doesn’t drink.” Salinger answered.

“But I do, and it looks like you motherfuckers started without us.” Jude said at the screen door with Tyrell behind him.

      Jude Noach is one of Salinger's ten best friends. They’ve been friends for about four years now. They graduated The University of La Verne this past year. If there is one person he knows that knows how to have a good time, it’s this guy. Jude is 5'9, black, and skinny. He’s a good looking kid. He comes from a wealthy family in Beverly Hills and he likes to party. That also might be an understatement. Every person Salinger knew could give you a memory worth sharing about Jude. He wasn't just the life of the parties, he was the parties. Since meeting him and Salinger have been almost inseparable. Jude is one of his most loyal and trustworthy friends.
      Tyrell Bertan is also one of Salinger's best friends. They, too, have been friends for four years. Salinger and Tyrell met while pledging for the same fraternity they are a part of to this day. He became Salinger's closest pledge bro for a great many of reasons, but most of all, it was probably because they are both never ashamed nerds and honest people. Tyrell is also the first person Salinger ever considered truly his little brother. He is 6 feet tall and Portuguese. Tyrell is one of the most likable people Salinger has ever met. He always jokes around about how everyone loves Tyrell and sometimes, when he really pays attention, he can see it annoys Tyrell. He might say it to laugh, but he means it every time he says it. Everyone loves Tyrell, and with good reason. Even Sufjan doesn't dislike him.

“Well maybe if you’d answer your phones, we would have waited.”
"You know I'm not good at replying and doing that stuff." After four years Tyrell still is the world's worst texter. Salinger doesn't mind too much, except when it is important. "Besides, my phone is dead."
Tyrell looked around at all the available beers.
"I'll drink!"

      Jude sat down next to Salinger, put one arm around him, and grabbed a beer. Tyrell sat next to Mitch and did the same. “It’s hard to answer phone calls when you get so many. Ladies call, my brother, ladies call.” Jude was always out with one girl or another, or sometimes two. They’re all surprised he isn’t a father yet. Tyrell, however, was a committed man. He and his girlfriend have been together for a year. Jude and Tyrell are close, which Salinger greatly appreciates, and so they often accompany each other on missions even if Salinger's schedule proves busy.

“So, what’s up, fuckers?”

      Inside his other three best friends slept. He had to remind everyone of this fact every two minutes. It is two AM, Sunday just opened its eyes, and they’re not ready to close theirs. They meet the days eye to eye as much as they could.  His best friends he lives with, other than Jude and Tyrell, Riley Lynn, Caleb Faust, and Sufjan Nassif are fast asleep awaiting their Sunday morning.

“We should try and get Riley to have a beer with us. Think she'd be down?” Jude insisted. “Not Suffy though. I'm with you guys, I don't care much for him either.”

      Sufjan is that best friend you have in high school that all the girls forget you have a face because of. Admittedly he’s a good looking guy that all his female friends, a few of his sisters, and even some of his male friends fell for. Everything came easy to this guy in high school. He had the girls, the grades, and the life.  He has also known Sufjan for five years.
"Why isn't Riley out here anyways?" Tyrell asked.

      Riley is the best friend your mother always thought you were dating, even if you didn't stand a chance. She was beautiful, and he even liked her when he was younger. Her almond shaped eyes pulled in the boys and her wild attitude kept everyone guessing what she'd do next. Riley was the kind of girl everyone loved and every girl wanted to be. Riley was an energy that kept everyone going.
"She just broke up with her boyfriend. She isn't in the mood." Salinger responded.
     Caleb is another best friend he met in college. Caleb is 5'11, blond, and blue eyed. Caleb is easy going, funny, and all around one of his favorite people to be around. When they first met, Caleb could not stand Salinger, but over time came around. Now they live with each other. When Salinger needs a serious talk about life or a more academic topic, Caleb is one of the few he calls on. College would have been a whole lot different without him.
"We're out of beer." Cody said in a disappointed tone.
"Good, it was shit light anyways!" Jude tossed the can on the floor. 

      They all packed up their things and left after that because they had practice in the morning. Their first big show of their tour was five days from now and they had to be prepared. This was the show that would change their lives. Exactly what they've been working towards. It was now just Salinger, Jude, and Tyrell on the porch with their last two beers.
"Okay, maybe throwing my beer on the ground wasn't my best idea."
He turned to Salinger and Tyrell.
"Damage control. Come on, guys!"
"Go home, Jude, you're drunk." Tyrell yawned.
Jude stood up.

"Let's go buy more beer. I'm young and the nights younger, what do you say?"

"And do what?" Salinger.

"I don't know. Let's roam the streets." Jude.

"We'd get caught." Tyrell.

"Fuck Claremont police." Jude.

"I'm tired, Jude." Salinger.
"I just farted." Tyrell.

"Come on," Jude.

Jude put his arm around him.

"Don't be boring like Sufia."

He stood up, causing Jude's arm to fall to his side.

"I'm just not up for being stupid right now."
Tyrell's face became annoyed.
"There's absolutely nothing wrong with being stupid."

Jude stood up as well.

"Think of it as fun. You've been too busy lately to have any. Am I right, Tyrell?"

Tyrell looked the other way.
"You, dickhole."
Salinger turned to the door.

"I'm calling it a night."

Tyrell finished his drink.

"I'm calling you an ass. I'm going out. Are you coming with?"
Tyrell walked towards Salinger.
"Naw dawg, I'm seeing my sister in a few hours. I have to at least get a little sleep."

Jude began to walk down the driveway.

"Be safe, Jude. I'll see you tomorrow."

Jude flipped him off.

"Whatever, assholes."
He was gone. Jude, one way or another, was always gone.
"You think he'll be alright?" Salinger said concerned.
"I think so. He hasn't been too happy lately. You should talk to him."
"Don't you?"
"Yeah, but I'm not enough. Come on, Salinger, you of all people should know that it takes more than one."
Salinger shook his head.
"I started my next book today."
Tyrell shook his head in approval.
"What's this one about?"
Salinger felt the cold breeze dance across his body. Cold, despite his sweater. He looked up at the moon.
"All of us."
Tyrell stretched.
"So a book that never ends?"
"I suppose you can say that."
"What do you have written so far?"
Tyrell put his arm around him.
"Only one line. The second line is always the most difficult."
"Can I help inspire you? I mean, I did write a story about dinosaurs before."
Salinger shrugged.
"I recall. Well, why not? You've given me enough to write this book anyways."
Tyrell was confused.
"Really?" He said in the odd way he always does to questionable things.
"Ty, our lives are inspiration. Anyways, do you want to hear the first line?"
Tyrell was silent in approval. Salinger pulled out a piece of paper from his pocket.
"Heavy hearts have great trouble with happiness."
Tyrell took it in before he spoke.
"More so the longer it lingers." 
Salinger considered it.
"Heavy hearts have great trouble with happiness. More so the longer it lingers?"
His right eye twitched. Tyrell gave him an ugly face. He returned the favor.
"I love it. Thanks, brother."
"Ha, it's my story, too, remember? Just thought I'd pull my weight. Also, we should rewrite my dinosaur story someday."
"So long as I get to ride one of them."
"The dinosaur would be too big for you to ride!"
"I'll get like a really big saddle."
"Illogical! Can saddles really be that big?"
They laughed and went inside to their room. They shared a room large enough to hold two full beds and still have enough room for spontaneous dance parties. Tyrell fell asleep quickly but Salinger could not bring himself to do the same. He had writing on the mind and a brother out on the streets.
"Heavy hearts." He whispered to himself. Tyrell shot up quickly in his bed.
"Huh? What? I think it's going to be alright, guys. Just have another of those. Regards!" 
If Salinger was a stranger he might have been terrified by this outburst. Instead he laughed, because he knew Tyrell this well. He raised his hand to the ceiling.
"Regards, Ty."
He fell asleep. Two hours later his phone began to vibrate on the floor. Jude was calling.


____________________________________________
"Maybe she thought today sucked?" Jude laughed. "Or she found out your pecker is tiny."
Salinger shoved Jude away.
"Well what else could be the explanation?" He grinned.
"I'd say those are two solid theories." Tyrell joined in.
Salinger gave him an ugly face.
"Did you make that face to her?" Tyrell responded.
Salinger flipped him off and then sat in the dirt. Jude and Tyrell sat next to him.
"You're not really that butthurt about this, are you?" Jude asked.
"The one that got away, right?"
"Or didn't exist. But yeah, got away." Salinger pushed them both away.
"Let's just make the best out of today, yeah?"
"Isn't that what we always do?" Tyrell extended his hand to them both to help them up.
"Fuck yeah we do!" Jude yelled.
"Fuck yeah." They each said.
Arm over each others shoulders they walked into the crowd. Salinger, despite how hard he tried, could not take his eyes off the Ferris Wheel. Just maybe, somewhere in the ocean of thousands of people, at this moment she was looking at it too. 

Just maybe.

They met at Coachella. He swears she exists. He just hasn't seen her since.

To Start From Nowhere

Heavy hearts have great trouble with happiness. More so the longer it lingers

Dear you,

    There's no beginning to this story. At least I don't think so. And I don't know exactly when I began to entertain the idea that there is. Perhaps it might be accurate to start from the belly of my mother. Back when I could not be responsible for anything, and if it might be the ruining of a youthful life my parents might have desperately been trying to hold onto, I still would not take the blame. I still don't. So where might I begin? I reckon anywhere I'd like, for no matter the day or second, each one was just as much my life as the other.
   My life is quite amazing right now. It wasn't always this easy. Easy moments in life, the ones we prayed for, god walking or heathen strutting, they had a funny way of never showing their face. When they did, they only served as a reminder for what you had when they passed. Oh, and they passed quickly.
   It might make sense to start with the death of my God mother. I will say that I do not have many memories of her, but of the ones I have, I remember her being very important to my life. The usage of the word "remember" seems a bit off as I am not relying on memories inherently for importance, but rather just that she wasn't around too often, and I was young and we had very little concern for adult affairs when Power Rangers were on. I could start here that way you understood how the struggle with the loss of her and death in general shaped my young life until I was eighteen. That seems a tad bit dark, however. Yet, where could I go that isn't?
   The proper response to that question would be that I should start at a place so close to nowhere. This means, at least I've come to understand it, that  I should start wherever the hell I feel is me at my best and my weakest. That's quite the combination there, wouldn't you say? I think I know where that is! It's a place where I was young, under the impression that I was happy (Who knows, maybe I was.), and when I thought I had everything figured out. I was twenty-three, my book had just been published, and I was living in a four bedroom apartment with my best friends Jude, Tyrell, Riley, Caleb, and Sufjan. My life was perfect, or so I thought it was, until she came in, they went out, and I began the countdown to my self-destruction. There were no red wires to cut to stop it.
    I owe my heart a debt. I fell in love, it paid the price. I don't know how it all happened, any of it really. I mean, my interest is rarely purchased. Yet when it is, my attention tends to be up for only rental. Still, at times, depending on the level of draw, I might be compelled to stay. When I stay, I always hope it doesn’t become something bothersome. Because I love with everything I have, and when abandoned, I’m left in poverty. Oh and what great prices we pay, for love and attachment, as inflation rises over time, and we’re left with nothing after but a bill from a debt we owe a broken heart. And it’s knocking hard.
    I don't fully understand yet what came over me. What electrified my hands to life, gave the drive to put my thoughts into a fucked up pile of events for you to read. Now that I think of it, perhaps it's because of you. I hope you don't misunderstand what I mean. I love you, sure, but you were always hard to care about. Yet still, this is my story, not yours, no matter how great the impact you've had on me. Perhaps I started to write this in order to keep myself sane. In some twisted way to remind myself all I've been through, should I ever force myself to forget. 
  Most of all, I hope I began to write this book so that you might understand even more the person I am, why I say what I say, and why I do what I do. I don't say this because I think of myself the hardest puzzle humans have yet to crack. No, I say this because sometimes I wake up and have no idea who I am. Sometimes I look into the water and see an image that I remember, but the blur always makes it seem foreign and so far removed. I didn't write the book on abandonment, loneliness, and misery, I didn't invent any of them either. Yet I sure as hell am writing a book on them. In the process, I hope I find the cure to all this.  Honestly, maybe after this is done I'll understand those things as well. If all goes well, maybe someone will. If that's possible.

Be strong,
Salinger Wise